can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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