he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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