God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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