Say something about gay babies.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
