If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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