I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
