She said her name was "party"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize