I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
