Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
