I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
