i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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