I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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