Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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