peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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