Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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