someone get that fucking seahorse.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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