his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
