He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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