stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
