Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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