I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
