New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
