Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
