Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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