Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
