The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
