tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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