We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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