she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
