here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
