Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
