He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
