I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
