So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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