Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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