I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
