i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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