I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
