I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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