I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
