he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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