Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
