He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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