whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
