you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
