I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
