did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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