What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
