I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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