And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
