I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
