Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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