I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
