I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
