I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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