You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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