i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
