Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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