Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
