Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize