hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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