i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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