literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
