I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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