I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Actions speak louder than pants.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
