Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
