she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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