I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
