I got chris browned last night
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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