As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
