Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She even gives head with a lisp.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
