The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
