yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
