i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
