Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
