There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and she was petting her beer can
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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