Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
