I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
