i don't like sucking hair
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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