Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
